Celebrating doulas and unconventional homebirth preparation

Tell us a fun fact about you?” Requested the host at my doula’s event. We had all come out on a freezing December night to celebrate 20 years of Sakli doing revitalising bodywork and producing exquisite Maou Clinique products to match.  Later in the evening when she sat down next to Kemi and I, Sakli explained why she had gotten right to the end of the fire fighter application process only to be turned down at the interview stage. “They literally told me I was too pretty. Apparently I would be distracting.” My jaw dropped for a second, as the egalitarian in me started her monologue with something about us being in the 21^st century. Then Kemi and I laughed.

“It’s true though!” I said “Even the flames would stop for a moment.”

“They would burn around her!” Kemi professed!

Sakli is stunning, but, more importantly, she and Matiga make a beautiful team as they work together to support women during pregnancy and birth. Together they are Dantors doulas. Neither of them even flinched at the fact that I wanted to have a homebirth after two caesarean sections and I was over the age of 35. If anything, they seemed even more willing to support me, as a result. Having doulas was one of the most important investments I made for my pregnancy and birth. In fact I would say, like my hypnobirthing course, it was an investment that also helped me after the birth. 

In the lead up to my pregnancy we had about three face-to-face sessions. One included a 4-handed pregnancy massage (yes, it was as good as it sounds and I was lying on my front! aaaghhhhh). Another had me feeling comfortable enough to talk about losing my dad before he had the chance to meet my third baby. The doulas being by my side was about 12 times more expensive than the hypnobirthing course I did with Rise and Glow, but I also had about 12 times more touch points with them!  It seems almost pointless to compare the services, though, because the two complemented each other and made different contributions to the mental, physical and spiritual toolboxes I could dive into at different times in my second and third trimesters. Fortunately I had already started using aromatherapy in my first trimester to overcome nausea. Later both the doulas and my hypnobirthing course helped me benefit from aromatherapy more than I had ever previously imagined.

The post-birth mentality I now have of understanding the value, benefits and availability of rest and relaxation is priceless. Sadly, I remember one of the key reasons why I said yes to signing the papers for my second caesarean section was that I was tired. After a few hours of experiencing contractions, I was ready for a rest. But in my head it would not be an option in the hospital. And, indeed, when the doctors came in, the only option I was given was to have another caesarean section. There was a part of me that was relieved because I knew that, in addition to meeting my baby, on the other side of that major operation would be sleep. If I had been at home, I could have simply gone to bed. After all, that’s exactly what I did after I had been contracting all day for my third baby. About 11 hours after I woke up, she was in my arms.

During one of the visits from Dantors doulas I was sitting on the brand new John Lewis sofa I had bought at the start of my maternity leave. Believe it or not a new sofa was on my shopping list to help fulfil my intention to relax during pregnancy and birth. I also did not want to see anything around the living room or bedroom that sucked the joy out of me while I was in labour. To have my homebirth I needed to feel joyful and fully comfortable at home, especially in the spaces where I suspected I was most likely to spend time labouring. Getting rid of our 10-year-old sofa with the broken arm rest was an investment equal to buying a new pram. And, fair enough, I had a pram in the loft because of my existing children, but honestly, if I knew in my first pregnancy what I know now, I would have bought a second hand pram and maybe fixed the blind in the bedroom or something! As I type this blog post now, I'm sitting on my velvet deep blue sofa and, 15 months on, the not-so-common investments I made for my third pregnancy and birth are still, today, bringing me joy or reminding me to rest.

With love,

Amifa